This is a topic ive been thinking about for awhile and have noticed it in a few of my friends. Ive been trying to decode exactly why this type of behavior happens. The story goes like this: An insecure girl is approached by a insecure guy. Everyone has seen it. The girl puts up the "bitch shield" and is standoffish. The guy throws it right back. Insecurity in ones self is one of thoes things that is a downward spiral. You put up walls because you are insecure and you are insecure because people around you do not react well because you have your walls up. Ive discovered that insecure people use one very common defense mechanism. And that is "meanness," or however you want to describe it. They perpetually try to look down their nose and everyone, trying to push their self esteem higher by making the people around them feel lower. Another reason for this guise is to mask the insecurities the person has. They are insecure that they have these demons so they put up a defense to make sure no one can discover their issues.
How have I come to these conclusions? Well a lot has come from observing some of my friends/people I am around a lot at work and such. But also because I used to do the exact same thing. Its almost like a subconscious thing. I didn't realize I was doing it until I looked back on what I was like the past few years. Likewise, i'm sure most people with social insecurities are in the same boat.
From my experience, I think there really is only one way to overcome this state of mind or ones insecurities: Practice. Practice breeds competence and confidence. But when were talking about practicing our social skills, the way to go about it is very different than lets say practicing your basketball free throws. But then again there are a lot of parallels. Much of it involves making a conscious effort to push yourself beyond your comfort zones, trying new things until what was once seemed unnatural or down right terrifying is comfortable and part of your reality. I also believe there is no end to this game. You cannot withdraw and come back at the same level. For example, when I started snowboarding I was super scared to go over the big jumps in the terrain park. I finally pushed myself to try it even though I enevability knew there was going to be some pain involved. After a number of runs though the park, the jumps I was at one time afraid of were suddenly no big deal and I was wondering why I was so worried about them in the first place. However, after a year off of snowboarding, I visited the same park and I was again fearful and right back where I started.
