I think its time to again put some things in perspective and list out some things I want to improve on over the next few weeks/months. Ill also list things im good at so I can use these things more to my advantage.
• Im way to nice. Thats weird to say because I thought I mos def didn't have a problem with this. But its true, I think I have more become a pushover so to speak. I need to start presenting more of a challenge. Throw in hoops, don't jump through others hoops. I need to overall be more assertive.
• On that same note I need to be more dominate. Be a sexual male and be proud of it.
• I need to stop giving a shit, for real.
• I have plenty of experience to have the confidence. But I need to put my confidence into action. My life is 200x richer and more exciting and full of awesome people than the average person in the world. I need to believe in myself.
• Building on that. . . I need to do more approaches. Simple.
• I need to start using a method, put everything ive learned into a plan that is an atom bomb!
• Stop being emotionally reactive to things that don't go my way.
• I need to slow down sometimes. In otherwords I don't need to talk so much to try to keep someones attention.
• I need to flirt/tease/be sexually playfull.. MORE!
• Make things sexual, faster. Kino way more etc.
• Don't be afraid to pull the trigger or take a risk.
• During my interactions im comeing off way to needy i think. Again, I need to slow down and make most of what I say MEAT! and stay away from the crap talk just trying to keep her from walking away.
• I need to not ever look for approval.
• Use push pull more!!!! This goes along with flirtatious.
• No more looking for reactions!
OK!!! Now for things im good at.
• My conversation skills are awesome. I can have a 1 hr convo with pretty much any stranger on the planet. I need to use this and put is somewhere productive when im out. Put these skills towards attraction instead of random conversation.
• I have good body language. I need to make sure I maintain it.
• I can amp my energy, but I need to learn how to control that energy and focus twards my game instead of being excited and energetic just for the sake of.
• I very VERY good and reading body language and at calibrating socially. This is both a blessing and curse, and I think its something i was kind of born with. I can pretty much read a person without them even talking, but at the same time I can be very sensitive to social miscalabrations or "aquwardness." Sometimes I wish I was more dumb in this area. But I need to use it to my advantage.
• I know how to have a good time.
• I have competence. I am a good teacher but I do really need to put my money where my mouth is. CONSISTENTLY!
-Thats all for now, this list of course is always up for amendment.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Lookout!
Damn im reflecting on my last post right now.
I can say that tonight im kind of reflecting on what happend at the end of tonight. To make along story short, my sexuality was questioned in a way that was very demeaning. Now, I can say that I am compleatly comfortable in saying that I am a 100% straight, sex hungry man, but something about the way it went down really hit a nerve. Ya know, the kind that makes you want to knock someones face off. I don't think it was the fact that I was accused of being homo, it was more the way the guy was trying to demean me, for no reason at all, other than I outweighted him in every aspect of life.
To start off, tonight I kind of got off the normal grid and hung out with a group of hopeless guys. Ya know the type of guys who are insecure and frustrated. Thats fine with me, I have no prob doing something different from time to time. Then after the fact all the shit listed above happend. Damn ive never wanted to rip someones face off like that in a long time.
I think the way I handeled it was 50/50. The first 50 is that I constraied myself and didnt punch the douch in the face. The other 50 is that I didnt just walk away. I really should have just walked away never talked to the loser again, but for some crazy reason i perpetuated it. And its really bugging me now. I had the guy pegged as a dbag from the get go and thats how he ended up in the end: a DuschBAG. Should have left it at that. THE END
I can say that tonight im kind of reflecting on what happend at the end of tonight. To make along story short, my sexuality was questioned in a way that was very demeaning. Now, I can say that I am compleatly comfortable in saying that I am a 100% straight, sex hungry man, but something about the way it went down really hit a nerve. Ya know, the kind that makes you want to knock someones face off. I don't think it was the fact that I was accused of being homo, it was more the way the guy was trying to demean me, for no reason at all, other than I outweighted him in every aspect of life.
To start off, tonight I kind of got off the normal grid and hung out with a group of hopeless guys. Ya know the type of guys who are insecure and frustrated. Thats fine with me, I have no prob doing something different from time to time. Then after the fact all the shit listed above happend. Damn ive never wanted to rip someones face off like that in a long time.
I think the way I handeled it was 50/50. The first 50 is that I constraied myself and didnt punch the douch in the face. The other 50 is that I didnt just walk away. I really should have just walked away never talked to the loser again, but for some crazy reason i perpetuated it. And its really bugging me now. I had the guy pegged as a dbag from the get go and thats how he ended up in the end: a DuschBAG. Should have left it at that. THE END
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Insecurity perpetuates insecurity.
This is a topic ive been thinking about for awhile and have noticed it in a few of my friends. Ive been trying to decode exactly why this type of behavior happens. The story goes like this: An insecure girl is approached by a insecure guy. Everyone has seen it. The girl puts up the "bitch shield" and is standoffish. The guy throws it right back. Insecurity in ones self is one of thoes things that is a downward spiral. You put up walls because you are insecure and you are insecure because people around you do not react well because you have your walls up. Ive discovered that insecure people use one very common defense mechanism. And that is "meanness," or however you want to describe it. They perpetually try to look down their nose and everyone, trying to push their self esteem higher by making the people around them feel lower. Another reason for this guise is to mask the insecurities the person has. They are insecure that they have these demons so they put up a defense to make sure no one can discover their issues.
How have I come to these conclusions? Well a lot has come from observing some of my friends/people I am around a lot at work and such. But also because I used to do the exact same thing. Its almost like a subconscious thing. I didn't realize I was doing it until I looked back on what I was like the past few years. Likewise, i'm sure most people with social insecurities are in the same boat.
From my experience, I think there really is only one way to overcome this state of mind or ones insecurities: Practice. Practice breeds competence and confidence. But when were talking about practicing our social skills, the way to go about it is very different than lets say practicing your basketball free throws. But then again there are a lot of parallels. Much of it involves making a conscious effort to push yourself beyond your comfort zones, trying new things until what was once seemed unnatural or down right terrifying is comfortable and part of your reality. I also believe there is no end to this game. You cannot withdraw and come back at the same level. For example, when I started snowboarding I was super scared to go over the big jumps in the terrain park. I finally pushed myself to try it even though I enevability knew there was going to be some pain involved. After a number of runs though the park, the jumps I was at one time afraid of were suddenly no big deal and I was wondering why I was so worried about them in the first place. However, after a year off of snowboarding, I visited the same park and I was again fearful and right back where I started.
How have I come to these conclusions? Well a lot has come from observing some of my friends/people I am around a lot at work and such. But also because I used to do the exact same thing. Its almost like a subconscious thing. I didn't realize I was doing it until I looked back on what I was like the past few years. Likewise, i'm sure most people with social insecurities are in the same boat.
From my experience, I think there really is only one way to overcome this state of mind or ones insecurities: Practice. Practice breeds competence and confidence. But when were talking about practicing our social skills, the way to go about it is very different than lets say practicing your basketball free throws. But then again there are a lot of parallels. Much of it involves making a conscious effort to push yourself beyond your comfort zones, trying new things until what was once seemed unnatural or down right terrifying is comfortable and part of your reality. I also believe there is no end to this game. You cannot withdraw and come back at the same level. For example, when I started snowboarding I was super scared to go over the big jumps in the terrain park. I finally pushed myself to try it even though I enevability knew there was going to be some pain involved. After a number of runs though the park, the jumps I was at one time afraid of were suddenly no big deal and I was wondering why I was so worried about them in the first place. However, after a year off of snowboarding, I visited the same park and I was again fearful and right back where I started.
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